The Question of Consequence

What is at stake if we get the issue of men and women wrong in the church?

Below I record the answers from four top scholars in the field, first a man and a woman of the Egalitarian position followed by a man and a woman of the Complementarian position.* I conclude with a few thoughts of my own.

Philip Payne:

“Getting the topic wrong is dividing the body of Christ. It’s just as bad as saying ‘Black people can’t be leaders.’ It demeans to exclude.”

Cynthia Westfall:

“I think if we get it wrong we quench the Spirit, and we don’t allow the Spirit to be Lord of our congregations. And, to the extreme if we get it wrong—has anyone seen Women Talking?—if you get it wrong and it’s taken to its logical conclusions, which is not the intentions of people who practice Complementarianism, there’s systemic issues where abuse and exploitation have a place to flourish.”

Gerry Breshears:

“On the other side, if you get it wrong, is disempowering the nature of scriptural authority. It becomes a trajectory hermeneutic where the authority is beyond Scripture, that Scripture was true in the ancient day, but it is not true today.  [This is called the ‘slippery slope’ argument, a logical fallacy in the study of philosophy and ethics. Christian Egalitarians ground their view in Scripture.] That’s a sinful perversion. Not all Complementarians end up abusive, but if you do, it’s sin.”

Sydney Park:

“If you get it wrong as a Complementarian, we know the history—there’s quite a bit of devastation. And being in the deep South, I run into some of that. It is a misappropriation of male ego. Again, the authority is not centered on the Word of God’s; it’s resting on themselves. But if you get it wrong from the egalitarian side—and yes, I have plenty of examples of this—I have yet to find an egalitarian woman who is not offended by the message of the cross.”

Cynthia – “OK, I’m one.”

Sydney had not yet met one… which is super odd because this posture is true of countless Christian egalitarians whom I know, including myself. When this message of Christ’s servanthood for all is one-sided, when it is placed as the value for women but not men in the workings of the church, Christ’s example is distorted.

That is the contention, not submission itself.

“Servanthood” is incorporated as submission for women and as leadership for men. These two aspects of Christ’s one example are separated, dishonoring God. Rightly, both are true of all Christian leaders.

“If you refuse to take up the cross, then what is the consequence of that?
There are some horrific effects that we want to avoid.”
– Dr. Park

Indeed. Taking Dr. Park’s teaching to its logical progression, where she champions the cross and denigrates those who move, instead, in their own ego, any man or woman who does not do exactly this is not a fitting pastor, teacher, leader. The consequence of refusing to take up one’s cross is the abuse of women and male ego followed rather than Christ.

There is a degree of abuse when someone in office of authority does not see, serve, and boost the gifts granted by God to those in their care. This stands boldly against God’s very self and harms the one God is driving inside toward a role/voice/position.

Spiritual abuse is not as easily quantifiable as physical, but it is deeply destructive.

Part of God’s gifting is agency to have respected voice as an image bearer of God indwelled by God’s Spirit. Hierarchy based on race or sex is not respectful, no matter the veneer of “nicety.” This is spiritual abuse, and as Gerry said, abuse is sin. See more on the worldview surrounding male-only eldership.

Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash.

To place sex over God, in determining roles, is
spiritually abusive to women,
ego-posturing to men,
and,
most of all,
an affront to God’s lordship.

Deeply consider that last consequence, if nothing else.

There is a dignity to a person’s ego, one’s sense of worth and agency to be all God made them to be; I do not think men’s egos should be denigrated beyond Christ’s example for all of us to lay ourselves aside.

However, as it stands, under any degree of Hierarchical Complementarianism, women’s egos are squashed while men’s are protected by a structural barricade against equal respected voice. This is wrong.

This unnecessarily limits women’s growth and contribution
and halts men’s sanctification into more of Christ’s self-giving character.

I conclude with one final question to ponder:

What is your ultimate goal, deep down below the quick and easy answer, for upholding your current stance on women’s agency in the church? Is it undergirded by fear or trust?

K. S. Lassen

[Kristin – assimilating an early mentor, C. S. Lewis]

* The quotes are from a roundtable of Dr. Preston Sprinkle’s Theology in the Raw Pre-Conference Symposium on Women in Leadership, Exiles in Babylon, March 23, 2023.  Dr. Gerry Breshears and Dr. Sydney Park represent the Complementarian (hierarchical complementarian) view while Dr. Cynthia Westfall and Dr. Philip Payne represent the Egalitarian (non-hierarchical complementarian, mutualist) view. Both views attempt a biblical, Christian approach.

Read the comments below this post for more critique of ideas in the scholars’ main presentations.

To See or Not To See (and how that relates to porn)

“It comes down to the latter SEEING me.”

That sentence struck me as I wrote it in an email to a friend last week.

I was writing about the marked difference in my experience in Complementarian and Egalitarian worldview settings.[1]

“It comes down to the latter SEEING me”

showed up on my screen before I took the time to think about what that means.

Something jolted inside me. I paused.

Yes, “being seen” really is the difference.

What It Means to “Be Seen”

He looked at me straight in the eyes.

Not with pity.

Not with playful teasing.

Not with subtle questioning, or distancing, or challenge.

But with kindness, with joy, and with a sense of shared journey. With human respect.

Pity (or better, empathy), teasing, and guardedness have their place, to be sure, but that place isn’t the typical day-to-day interaction between a church leader and the people in their care, as I regularly saw in the eyes of Complementarian men.

These approaches are not to characterize the substance of a male-female relationship in the body of Christ.

So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.

Romans 14:19 ESV

Instead, respect for gifting (or personhood), genuine concern, relational parity, and a joyful humility are to be the “norm.”

Being seen leaves me feeling respected, feeling like a partner—feeling “normal.” At least, those results from interaction should be normal. It leaves me feeling valued as a human.

Concordant with being seen are requests to serve in areas that match gifting and seeing other women invited into these spaces, areas such as teaching, preaching, and eldership in addition to training up children and the wonderful gifts of meal preparation.

What It Means to NOT “Be Seen.”

Some examples follow. “My Experience in Two Worldviews” offers more.

“Who could cover next month when I am planning to be gone?” he asked, eyes scanning the room—but not taking in mine. As a seminary student with a degree in Biblical and Theological Studies I wasn’t a candidate to lead the class at church.

…

“Hey”—hearty hug around shoulders—”I need to get you into some leadership opportunities like we talked about” he said to the slightly younger-than-me man in the church hallway as I walked by unnoticed.

…

[Shakes head “no” to my raised hand], later says, “I wasn’t sure what you were going to say, so…[implied] I wasn’t going to risk calling on you to share your prompting from the Spirit.” (In church services men periodically speak their thoughts; I was being respectful with the raised hand. The moment was staged more like a classroom setting.)

…

“One of the elders in the room should have said something,” replied a senior leader after I shared with him about a (guest, minority) woman being completely ignored by a group leader after sharing her thought. Aghast, after recovering from my shock, I had raised my hand and thanked her, interacting with her view. Karl Barth would have agreed with her, too, for what it’s worth.

But that wasn’t my role, this leader’s reply clearly indicated. This made me feel worthless, or at least, unseen and without recognized value to the church for what I had to bring.

Years of scholarly background and a deep, lifelong pursuit of God did not matter for theological contribution when carried in a female body, he all but said.

…

While I was attending seminary my Complementarian church was approached for potential preachers by a church undergoing pastoral search; I was not suggested. Later, when an elder from this church saw my name in a list of seminary graduates, he reached out to me directly. This was my first opportunity to lead an entire service and to preach a full sermon, and I have been invited back three times.

…

“Women use more words a day than men, and mine are used up,” he said to me after sharing his view but not being willing to engage my reply. Despite the idea of gendered word use being proven wrong, he succeeded in ending the conversation.[2]

The “Pornographic Style of Relating”

Today as I read “Church Leaders and Porn” by Heather Matthews I remembered my comment about “being seen” and the differences I feel when existing as a woman in Complementarian and Egalitarian spaces.[3]

I cannot speak to the degree of porn use by individuals; its use is present across ideologies. I can, however, speak to how I have been treated and to the influence of worldviews.

“A Pornographic Style of Relating,” includes Control, Objectification, and Speed, teaches Andrew Bauman.[4] The examples shared above (from countless more) show that regardless of individual porn use, a Complementarian worldview fosters an aspect of Control, Objectification, and Speed for men when relating to women.

Their opposites—Freedom, Honor, and Gradual building of true relationship—are encouraged by the Egalitarian worldview regardless of individual porn use. The worldview itself is one of mutual honor. To display the opposite is counter-cultural; it is the “sore thumb” aberration rather than the everyday norm that is careful to maintain position.

Demeaning behavior is confronted rather than tolerated or status quo.

Other women may experience these groups differently—or may not have the comparable experience in both environments that characterizes my life journey. Countless women and men share my view.

Conclusion

Moving from objectification to honor of women is moving from a sin-based patriarchy to the Way of Jesus.

So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.

Romans 14:19 ESV

“The partner is respected for their entire being; their voice, opinions, preferences all matter, and equal weight is given to both parties. When the imago Dei is recognized in the face of the other, honor is sure to follow.” This quote from Andrew Bauman defines the norm in the Egalitarian interactions in my home, educational, and church environments; it was occasional in my Complementarian experience, with far too much that fell short.

The correlation of objectification and control of women in porn with the categorical, limited “roles” and shutting down of women in Complementarian settings demands consideration (and mourning, and repentance, and change). Might there be a better way, a Way that grants honor and mutuality to all?

K. S. Lassen

[Kristin – assimilating an early mentor, C. S. Lewis]

…………………………………………………………………………..

Cover Photo by Alex Sheldon on Unsplash

For more, see Sex Objects in the Church?

[1] “Complementarian” here refers to a hierarchy of male leadership over women as the defining characteristic that orders interaction. Anything from women not allowed respect as elders through women required to cover heads while not allowed to speaks is included in the Complementarian spectrum.

“Egalitarian” here refers to all people equality situated before God for God to gift and lead as God chooses; it is characterized by mutuality in Biblical, Christian Egalitarianism.

Examples in this post are the mundane, easily overlooked realities inside a soft Complementarian setting. In this setting women are encouraged up to the point of eldership or lead pastor, but the worldview influences much more. This post purposefully avoids the more overtly harmful spiritual abuse that I and many have experienced, instead with focus on the micro-aggressions that cause deep harm to women’s self worth and opportunity to move as God leads.

[2] I was shocked at the brazen dismissal of my opportunity to discuss a topic he (re)introduced minutes before, after an initial conversation months prior. It was so degrading. I mentioned that his premise was disproven, but that is all I had opportunity and boldness for. Did the pastor nearby hear? Did it matter? For more on word use per day see “Study: Men Talk Just as Much as Women,” NPR, accessed March 12, 2023, https://www.npr.org/2007/07/05/11762186/study-men-talk-just-as-much-as-women.

[3] For more articles about both men’s and women’s porn use, its effects, and a healthy way forward see CBE International’s Fall 2022 issue of Mutuality Magazine: “Autumn 2022 The Problem of Porn: Women, Men, Intimacy, and the Church,” CBE International, accessed March 12, 2023, https://www.cbeinternational.org/issue_display/display-issue/?issue_id=59114

[4] Find his full treatment here: “A Pornographic Style of Relating,” Andrew J Bauman, accessed March 12, 2023, https://andrewjbauman.com/a-pornographic-style-of-relating/.

…………………………………………………………………………..

Strength and Respect

The college football team gathered around the strength and conditioning coach for additional instruction. They looked to be doing a team-building activity just as I’d watched them do on the gym court during my previous treadmill run. 

“I’d be intimidated,” I thought, as I watched her—the strength coach—look up at them and explain the next phase of the workout. 

Wait a minute.

I wouldn’t have been intimidated in my “previous life.” By this I mean my life before I was treated as less-than by the church for being a woman. The worldview was there all my life, but it didn’t rise up and stab me in the spirit until age 33—eight years ago.

I have participated in various forms of strength training since I was 14. With a bachelor’s degree in Exercise Science and a (previous) ACE certification I have trained many male clients as a personal trainer with no problem. It was a true joy to aid growth in strength and confidence!

Me doing Turkish get-ups in 2017: 10 ea with 40# DB in 9:40 (goal of under 10 min). My PR is completing this workout with 50#!

At age 33 church leadership treated me as a child of my husband. They didn’t view it that way—their worldview trained them that this was loving me.

One of them even knew better, at least at first (this was years-long), but that’s a different story.

Now I know better as well, grounded firmly in Scripture and the character of God—not just in the steady witness of God to my spirit.

Healing meant a multi-year process which included adding a minor in Biblical and Theological Studies and a masters degree from seminary. It involved seeing women respected as leaders in the church. It took being invited to live out who I am and the respect afforded me by leaders in conversation, demeanor, and opportunities.

— I actually struggle to know how to interact when there is an underlying power hierarchy based in gender. If a relationship is not founded in mutual humility in Christ being genuine is a challenge for me. —

But back to the strength coach.

I am not going to ask her if she’s intimidated. I don’t want to put that seed in her mind. You see, I grew up being respected, and she likely has too. We’ve talked before about her past lifting experience. 

This Christian college she works at has been a place of growth and healing for me. I know she’s fully valued for who she is and what she has to offer. 

Anything else would face institutional correction. 

If only our churches could be the same!

Christian and Missionary Alliance, I implore you to see that policy that treats women as under—rather than fully co-equal with—men does not foster respect. Rather, it is a very modern Evangelical (soft-complementarian) misunderstanding that

degrades the image of God.

Read that again. Own it. Contact me if you’d like to discuss. I write out of a passion God has lit in my being for greater wholeness—Shalom—in C&MA churches. I write out of care for the women under your governance. I write because I know God has more for the men in the C&MA, too.*

Hell Bent

Shattered peace evokes in us a vague sketch of Shalom, a sense of how things should be. That ache you feel when catching the news whispers to a deeper plan for this world.

Broken Shalom.

Country invades country leaving death and destruction in its wake. Athletes strive for fair competition in sport. An unrelenting virus carries death to our families and divides friends over policy and protocol to stop it.

We long for wholeness.

Shalom encompasses perfection of relationship of all creatures with God, self, others, and all creation. In our fallen world Shalom means deliverance from what blocks peace internal and external.

Shalom means “wholeness.”

This week I read a line that stopped me in my tracks.

I’ve been pondering it for four days.

“…a world hellbent on maintaining broken Shalom.”

In The Very Good Gospel Lisa lays out God’s vision of Shalom in Genesis, a creation that was broken by sin and redeemed in Christ. While we await the consummation of that renewal we are invited to follow Christ as our Lord where we are!

The Very Good Gospel p. 192

We “go and do” by trusting Christ and following the Spirit’s lead to join what God is already doing. Where is God leading you to encourage change or be the change?

The context of Lisa’s line was Christians standing up to other Christians who blocked abolition of slavery, civil rights, and women’s right to both preach and to vote.

Many twisted Scripture to argue for maintaining their economic comfort with slavery. Likewise many argued that women were not created with the capacity to make good decisions and lead; women were not to vote.

God created adam to exercise dominion. The Hebrew adam in Genesis 1 includes

“male and female he created them.”

Genesis 1:27

זָכָ֥ר וּנְקֵבָ֖ה בָּרָ֥א אֹתָֽם

Dominion is explained in Genesis 2 with Hebrew words that mean “to till and keep” and also “to serve and protect.” Women were given this dominion—stewardship—together with men in Genesis. I had the blessing to share what it means to be created in the image of God last October in my first two sermons:

October 10 Imaging the Image in What We Do

October 17 Imaging the Image in Relationship (I especially love this one)!

The description of a broken Shalom in Genesis 3:16 comes after God’s ideal for creation.

See A Ladder Leans Against A Wall for more on interpretations of Genesis 3:16.

A short century ago people were hellbent on maintaining broken Shalom by sanctifying Jim Crow and denying women the exercise of dominion through vote.

Jim Crow laws weren’t repealed until 1968. Black women couldn’t vote until 1965, white women in 1920. Those claiming Christ fought it every step of the way using the same arguments (believed to be) from Scripture used to support a male-only eldership today.

This is true; this is history.

I cannot convince Putin to leave Ukraine, but I can witness here, to you, that the persistent ideology that God designed men for a dominion, a form of stewardship, not open to women

— eldership and pastor —

is today’s

“hellbent on maintaining broken Shalom”

in many otherwise enlivened churches.

I long to join God in God’s movement through history and beyond time.

Church service should not be about power but partnership and full expression of all gifting granted by God.

Friends, I implore you to not be hellbent on maintaining broken Shalom. Jesus has overcome the world!

Let us go and do likewise in his renewal of LIFE!

🕊

____________________________

I invite you to peruse my blog starting with my Open Letter to the Leaders of the Christian and Missionary Alliance as this is the people God has called me to on the issue of gender mutuality.

In Christ’s love – ksl.

But WHY do I Care?! A Triple Jump Follow Up to my 2020 open letter to the leaders of the Christian and Missionary Alliance

I loved my church since I was a child and was introduced to my Lord and Savior in that space: 34 years ago; I was 7.

Life has been a journey since then, no doubt! The trials and successes, pain and exhilaration could fill pages—but not here.

Brevity requires leaping the decades much like I used to approach the pit when competing in triple jump: hop from age 7 to 17 where I chose a Christian college; step to 27 when married and staying home with 1 (soon to be 4) child of mine; and jump up to 37 when while raising 4 young children with my husband I added a minor in Biblical and Theological Studies to my Exercise Science degree and was just starting seminary.

I had a burning passion deep in my being to help my denominational leaders grow in the truth of God’s design for men and women. Thanks be to God; I had landed in Christian spaces that respect all callings of God on women’s lives: Northwestern College and Western Theological Seminary. Once I became aware of how much worldview influences opportunities and treatment, I saw it everywhere. It’s like buying a silver car and then seeing them in every parking lot.

Christ restored the sin-broken creation of Adam and Eve as full partners (Gen 1:26-28; Luke 10:42; John 10:10; Gal 3:28). In Christ men and women receive the same respect for their callings abundantly bestowed by our One Lord and Savior.

I long for the personhood of women to carry the weight of Spirit-filled image bearer, in the Christian Missionary Alliance. This cannot happen short of eldership.

Here’s why:

The short answer is because it is truth, truth that shines with the light of God’s steady voice to me my entire life, truth that I didn’t understand intellectually, biblically, until I was 33 years old.

After a brief rewind of the Triple Jump tape, I will sum the full answer in four short parts: Scripture, theology, history, and lived experience. (A Wesleyan Quadrilateral is a Wesleyan Quad by any other name 😄.)

It may seem to some like I woke up one day and decided to bring my voice where it wasn’t wanted (always a great time!) or worse, to neglect my ‘highest calling’ of motherhood in favor of bringing unwanted questions and increased workload to my husband.

In actuality, we’d have to rewind the triple jump footage and stop back at the voice of God to me at age 12 that deeply affected me—but I didn’t understand.

Then we’d hop to the longing for career focus that ate at my soul from age 14-22.

After this we’d mix the hurts and false method of coping in with God’s steady hints in my life and the healing God began in me.

Remember, all along, the girl of 7 and 12 who loved Jesus with her whole life.

I know about God like a worm who’s burrowed into sweetness conceives of apple pie; I know God as the one who invited me on an adventure decades ago, at times hard to glimpse since but always there. Seven years ago God invited a calling with the words “Do you trust me?”

But why do I care how the C&MA handles the “woman question” when many gifted women find avenues for ministry? Why do I care when other spaces provide women the respect I champion?

THEOLOGY: I care because I believe that separate spheres for men and women came first from sin (Gen 3:16) and second from a culture trying to navigate amid sin. It is a lie cloaked as light to base roles (first) in the gender of an image bearer and not (only) in the granting by the God whose image we all bear.

Human hierarchies set themselves up against the very essence of God. This golden calf has stolen focus for far too long; God is exposing this white-lie across the spectrum of history and the American church.

HISTORY: I care because there is no escaping the truth of history. A sound Church History course will get you started in the early church. Greek philosophical views of women and the Roman power structure centering men and hierarchy were adopted by the church in the 2nd-4th centuries, directly opposite the church foundation on Christ put into action by Paul (Gal 3, Rom 16).

Beth Allison Barr’s The Making of Biblical Womanhood: How the Subjugation of Women Became Gospel Truth will take you from the Middle Ages to today, and Jesus and John Wayne by Kristin Kobes Du Mez will bring it home in American Evangelicalism.

Often truth is hard to accept, especially when it confronts our own kingdoms.

SCRIPTURE: I care because scholars honestly seeking God in the original biblical manuscripts have yielded an avalanche of knowledge based on an inerrant view of Scripture. Gifted, faithful, honest scholars pore over the Bible in the Greek, Hebrew, Aramaic, bringing the culture of the day(s) into the meaning of the words.

Only God grants understanding—will you allow him to? Will you take this research seriously? See Part 2 in my 2019 “Open Letter to the Leaders of the Christian and Missionary Alliance” for a resource list to get you started.

EXPERIENCE: I care because I have tasted a Christian world where women are seen and treated as full persons. This breaking of God’s kingdom into ours has been slowly healing the places harmed in me over my leap across time which reached dramatic crescendo in 2014.

Misunderstanding piled atop immaturity-given-reigns by a complementarian system and was sent barreling towards my family. (My attempts to say the same in soft language have been softly dismissed.) These men thought they were being loving, but love without respect is not love—it is to patronize.

This is extremely hard on me to write, please understand, yet it is true. If I stay silent with what I’ve lived and learned, leaders will not see what happens below the surface of their own viewpoint.

How many more young girls and women must be harmed—must realize the spiritual and ontological abuse—before C&MA leaders will change harmful policies? How many more gifts, like my own, must be shelved and mis-sorted and undiscovered (at least toward full kingdom impact) until middle age?

How many more women, and men, who’ve tried desperately to stay will finally leave when they realize they cannot be C&MA (or SBC, or E-Free) and be faithful to God’s vision for his people?

How many more must leave or continue to be eroded when God’s call inside is not allowed respected voice?

I have finally connected my own physical symptom, given no medical explanation after 8 vials of blood tests, to the slow-boil trauma of the soft complementarian world:

• the pain of being subsumed;
• the angst of sharing, yet having the truth explained away;
• the frustration of God removing the veil from my eyes while others remain content with the ruse, unwilling to see.

The physical impact is real.

I thought that maybe God gifted me as he has and waited to reveal his purposes for me until such a time as this. Or maybe the excuses and attempts to mold God’s way into man’s own will, will continue. Perhaps both will be true.

But I hope not.

To shrink back from acting on the truth once learned is to choose one’s own kingdom over God’s (1 Cor 3). I have deeply researched both sides of this issue in Biblical interpretation and theology; I have lived as part of both types of communities and have much more to share, if you’d like to discuss.

Love compels me to keep caring for

• the girls who grow up searching;
• the women who are trying to fit their call into a skewed system;
• the men who, unbeknownst, forgo a degree of sanctification; and
• the body that misses the fullness at its fingertips.

I ask that you not choose to follow another person’s view as opposed to taking agency and growing for yourself. I close with a quote:

“There is no greater cowardice than chosen ignorance. To speak out will often come at a cost. But we are constantly standing before the face of God.”

Rachael Denhollander

God still has my final allegiance. That is why I care.

~ Kristin

Does God Color Outside the Lines?

Introspection begs two questions:

1. Does the God of the Bible color outside the lines?
2. Do you allow for your God to color outside the lines?

This post answers the first question in brief while referencing my lived answer to the second.

God Thwarts the Lines of Human Perception…

Of sanity

The Israelites were commanded to circle magnificent, walled Jericho and blow trumpets to overtake the city. They trusted and followed.

Of decency

Ezekiel acted on God’s eyebrow-raising command (see Ezekiel 4). How might you view Ezekiel today, were he in your congregation?

Of culture

It’s Christmas, the time of year we celebrate the God, Logos, creator of the universe taking on human flesh in a poor, obscure village. God told Mary this would happen IN HER (Luke 1:26-56) and told Joseph to trust her word (Matt 1:18-25), in a culture far more patriarchal than complementarianism, which subsumes a wife’s call into her husband’s. 

[See A Ladder Leans ‘Against’ a Wall for a necessary counterview to that last linked article. (There is SO much misunderstanding in it; this is just a start!) Again, if it “seems right” that Genesis 3:16 denotes a wife being “contrary to” her husband, read A Ladder Leans ‘Against’ a Wall for helpful perspective.

It seems God does not well regard the lines drawn by human expectation. It seems God instead lives out the name revealed to Moses.[a]

Seven Years Ago

Seven years ago the God I’d known through trial and error, who’d led me through notable success and been steadily present despite lurking depression, the God I’d come to know over real life for over 30 years, asked,

“DO YOU TRUST ME?”

God firmly impressed the question to my spirit as I cried out over how this trusting was turning out around me—not well.

Running Chaska trails had me at this underpass exactly at this point in writing this post. Suddenly my hand was too cold to continue working, and I turned on King of Kings for the few miles home. In 7° I was able to swype until this spot, then ran back to where the gray squirrel had disappeared, and I’d stashed my mittens under a fallen log, just past the wooden bridge where I’d need to turn right.

The image above perfectly depicts my walk in faith from September 2014,

with the smooth ice of my own emotional growth-edge, frozen-boulder daily challenges of life raising four young children, and threatening 6-foot ice daggers:

• Soft complementarian protocol—a love without respect that infantilizes women;
• Entitlement-shrouded eyes in church leaders;
• Compounded misunderstanding ruling the day.

God’s steady light sustained, granted perspective, and beckoned from beyond: toward call and into truth; it promised the eschatological fullness completed in Christ and yet to run unchallenged.

The light at the end of the tunnel matched the burning glow of God’s Spirit within. God refined and grew me in this tunnel—still is.

In my context I desire the Christian and Missionary Alliance to be a place where all women as well as men can thrive, not just navigate .

God’s Majesty

It is Christmas. If we proclaim a God not confined by human boxes, we cannot rightly overlook God meeting first with Mary (not Joseph) when we define church praxis. Yet the full spectrum of “complementarian” does, in fact, do so.[b]

In 2014-2016, out of one side of their mouths my pastors celebrated the God of the Bible, and out of the other claimed a different impetus working in my life.[c] The soft complementarian part was leaders repeatedly approaching my husband about me rather than me about me—deeply dehumanizing treatment. Any contact we did have was clouded by the decisions they’d already made about me, the labels.

God used this pain to draw me into serious study of the Bible on the issues of men and women, roles, and God’s prior workings.

By walking this tightrope holding on to God’s presence for dear life, I fight to avoid bitterness; Instead, I am thankful.

Before this experience I had no idea of the loss of personhood that so many women experience under soft complementarian, soft benevolent male headship. (Women cannot be elders; it affects multiple outliers.) It is easy to see how outright patriarchy is not of God. A version that mixes in some light is smooth and shiny—yet just as destructive at times.

This pain inflicted is not intentional, and it is not my intention to hurt my dear friends walking in the misunderstanding of “male headship” that has been widely accepted as presiding truth.

My intent, my call from God, is to

expose the lie.

❄❄❄

Could they have been right? Could a mental breakdown have been behind what I was sure to be God in September 2014 (and beyond)? 

I will tell you what I know. Three years prior I had given my focus to God every second in full reliance to overcome a 15-year stronghold in my life. The point for this post is that I knew I could not overcome the pattern in my own strength after 14.5 years of trying. I could not claim autonomy (with prayer and “God’s help” and any other route I’d tried). Thus 

God had my full allegiance.

For the next three years I trusted God as I took off the mask of my false self and engaged in real, meaningful relationships. This stretched my comfort zone. I had single devotion to knowing God more which included walking in active trust.

When I perceived God to lead—I followed.

Then came the aftermath: years of assumed illness (blood tests revealed health), leaders not taking seriously the truth God commissioned me to point to, and now an un-medically-explained physical symptom based in the stress/trauma of such an environment (8 blood draws, a doctor, and a specialist reveal no physical cause). With the pain this has caused my family, I am not sure I would again trust God in the same actions, as I did seven years ago. This deeply grieves me.

❄❄❄

On the other hand, I have gone back to school to add a minor in Biblical and Theological Studies and on to seminary for a master’s degree.[d]

“Hey, Kyra, does God color neatly in the lines, like on a coloring page?”

“No.”

I think you’re right, because who draws the lines for God?

“Nobody.”

My girl didn’t miss a beat. 

Isaiah 40:11-31

🙌🦅🏃‍♀️

I conclude with footnote “d.”

 … ……. … ……. … ……. … ……. … ……. …

[a] Hebrew class taught me the definitions of ehyeh and asher in the phrase ehyeh asher ehyeh in Exodus 3:14. Seminary taught me worldview and context for the text. I AM who I AM is otherwise translated “I will cause to occur what I will cause to occur” or “I will be what/who I will be.” See Exodus-314.com for a discussion over translating this verse.

[b] God’s gifting matters only second to gender in roles and titles—a blasphemy I would tremble to lead others in.

[c] To be outright, the pastors assumed medication and perhaps hospitalization were what I needed. They assumed mental illness without taking my life story, my seasoned journey with God, into account—or even talking with me about the situation first. There is so much more to this story.

Medication can be very helpful when called for; I make no attempt to imply otherwise.

God is also real and active and the same God we adore in Scripture. 

[d] Grades in school matter naught toward God’s ability or prerogative to choose a person for a task; God seeks a heart fully devoted, not perfection (David) or emotional cool (Elijah), not gender (Huldah), nor age (Samuel, Mary). Earning the top grade in my Greek class and second in Hebrew (by a fraction, to another C&MA woman) were mere vindication of a sound mind. Taking classes again was so much fun—hard work that I loved for multiple reasons!

The egalitarian worldview lived out by Christians around me in RCA spheres was instructive—and healing—as I added a minor and went on to seminary to earn a master’s degree. I was back in a space where I was seen and valued for who I was. Egalitarian, in my use, means mutuality rules conduct: Gender is still valued; it’s just not a rubric for opportunity.

I thought I could help my own denomination (C&MA) make the switch. My seminary study was tailored to equip me to lead needed reconciliation; training in the language and cultural knowledge of translation, which includes and influences interpretation of key passages related to gender; and the healing needed for those on both sides of the power dynamic. It has been profoundly significant to be part of a Christian community where gender does not limit role. My history in the Alliance (soft complementarian) and RCA (egalitarian) allows me to readily identify the differences in culture. We do not see the water we are swimming in.

After repeated rejection, I am no longer sure that this work in the denomination will be my joy and challenge. Nevertheless, God’s Ruah can breathe life into dry bones. Though I have never backed down from difficulty, my health, and perhaps God’s call, require me to breathe with those who’ve moved beyond this question. This seven-year journey is analogous of me running the 2019 San Diego Marathon with a broken foot—though that was far easier. I wish every person well; I also need to rest in spaces where I find opportunities to grow, agency, and community.

Click here for my December 2021 Follow Up to my Open Letter to the Leaders of the Christian and Missionary Alliance. Please share to those in this group.

❄❄❄

Isaiah 40:11-31

🙌🦅🏃‍♀️

^{Ephesians 6:11-17…}Take the helmet of salvation, and the
sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

❄❄❄

My Experience In Two Worldviews

As I observe women leading mixed gender groups, I watch men—who aren’t controlled by insecurity, an authority complex, or a related theology—ask questions, grow, and respectfully converse with these women. These women and men foster confidence in me and the model the way forward.

I have been the recipient of this kind of respectful (normal, equal) treatment from men who, in my observation, see women as equal partners in this life. These men provide the sense that they are secure in who they are without needing to maintain a superiority as “leader,” but who instead treat others as image bearers of God, worthy of respect and honest conversation.

I have also experienced kindness from leaders holding a complementarian worldview that shifted to a protectionist posture, with defensiveness, when my real questions, ideas, and struggles of life came to the forefront. This environment hindered my development into who God designed me to be.

God is leading me past where complementarian/patriarchal church culture and a hierarchical worldview would have me stay; God is slowly revealing where I am to follow next, through the passion God ignited in me and the great need I see around me.

The hindrance that gender hierarchy causes to the full body of Christ pulls at my inner core with an ache to fill the gap and be a vessel for righting the wrongs.

If you do not know the roots of cultural patriarchy, please read up on the view of women in Greek philosophy and the quotes about women by many 2nd – 16th century church fathers who quickly moved with culture over the respect and opportunities afforded to women by Jesus and Paul.

Today we all reject the idea that women are defective versions of humanity, incompletely formed men, and lower in reason while ruled by lusts. Many reject the basis for keeping women out of senior leadership – that women are inferior in every way to men – yet continue to uphold the outcome; hence the phrase “equal in worth, different in role” was developed in the 1980’s.

“We would be appalled if a church leader or theologian suggested black, hispanic or asian people have equal value but have an ontological need to be lead by, decided for and directed by white people.  We would say, “No! It is not possible for all people to have the same value if one group of people is born to lead, decide or direct while another is born to unilaterally submit, yield to and follow the other.  This is not logical.  This is not just.  This is racism!” 

“In the same way we should be disturbed when it is suggested that those absent of male genitals must unilaterally submit and defer to those with.  When we try to suggest that Complementarianism is anything different than veiled male privilege, at best we are being fooled ourselves and at worse purposefully deceiving others.”[1]

Ashley Easter

There is a lot more to the Bible than a few verses pulled out of cultural and literary context that seem to support an inherent hierarchy of man over woman; it takes eyes and a heart willing to see!

I have had to grow in this area. As a child I heard negative comments about institutions of higher learning, and reading the book This Present Darkness as a seventh grader sealed my view: Satan was at work behind these (supposed) biblical scholars.

Can you relate? Through years of reading such scholars and learning from professors in whom I see Christ’s greater life lived out – via humility and gentle respect in addition to insightful knowledge – I have come to see God working in scholars and through scholarship.

God is living and active, and God’s Spirit inside testifies when truth is found. How a man in authority treats a woman witnesses to God’s activity in his life perhaps more than anything else.

A beginning reading list to guide an egalitarian understanding of Scripture.

Sometimes scholars who have devoted their lives to seeking God on this issue can be vehicles for opening our eyes. Research does not take the place of Scripture; rather, faithful ones quote heavily from it, helping us to better understand its original language words and contexts.

Often, there is no need to read the Bible in anything but English. However, we have been conditioned to overlook or explain away women in the Bible.

Ask God for eyes to see. Read about Huldah the prophetess, Abigail the wise matriarch in her marriage to the foolish Nabal, Anna who proclaimed God to all in the temple. Scripture shows that God chose Deborah to lead Israel, yet some explain her away, essentially saying God wasn’t able to raise up another man. A close read of the Bible reveals that Deborah is the only judge recorded as fully faithful (along with, arguably, Ehud our left-handed hero).

Read Romans 16 and note more women commended for their leadership (service) in the church than men. The fact that Phoebe likely delivered, read, and explained Romans to the church in Rome is acknowledged by The Gospel Coalition—and then explained away

rather than taken at face value that Phoebe was Paul’s chosen emissary, orator, and exegete.

Also read Paul in Paul’s own language and context. See the book list above. Here’s one discussion of the factors surrounding 1 Corinthians 14:34-35, to get you started.

John Piper places Complementarianism/Patriarchy as the midpoint in a spectrum with Egalitarianism on one end and Abuse on the other. I agree with him (with nuance).

The patriarchal view does not, in itself, mean abuse, but it creates the framework where emotional, spiritual, and even physical abuse can be justified or minimized—which is invariably what happens.

I am trying to be gracious to those who pursue this worldview with pure and humble hearts. The theology is mistaken, but when couples follow the Holy Spirit‘s influence, I have seen marriages function more as Egalitarian than Complementarian despite espoused hierarchical views.

Let the reader be aware, Egalitarian Christians agree with the tenets of Complementarianism in this article, except we see that excluding women from opportunities to serve in leadership positions does exactly what Cassian denies:

It establishes hierarchy that oppresses women to varying degrees depending on the local expression.

I am not content with institutions that honor God’s lead in women “for the most part” (aka “soft comp” practice), with their theological basis remaining flawed. The truth must prevail, as

The truth fosters the highest expression of Spirit-infused love and places God fully on the throne.

Any attempt to find compromise with a flawed view of “headship” places unity over God’s lordship, and it harms women. I have seen Complementarianism drive people from these churches; maintained unity is a farce.

Complementarianism harms the full body of Christ, as we are interconnected by design.

One-sided promotion of the ego, the “I am” of self in men, creates a pride that displaces at least part of the true I AM’s rightful place. In short, this theology harms men, too.

I still hope for the day when the church will be a place where people—ALL people—are free to discover and develop their full selves. Until then, I’ll keep sharing what God so graciously reveals to me in Scripture, life, and through others.

Thank you ~ K. S. Lassen

[Kristin – assimilating an early mentor, C. S. Lewis]

…

For more click on “To See or Not to See (and how that relates to porn).”

[1] Ashley Easter, “The Equal but Different Hoax,” February 17, 2016, https://www.ashleyeaster.com/blog/equal-but-different-hoax.

…